Shockingly smart thoughts about you cultivating happiness…

My notes:

My notes focus on actionable activities. I have a lot of notes so I will share them in 2 posts.

Cultivating Optimism

1. Best Possible Selves Diary

• Sit somewhere quiet and think about what you expect your life to be in 1, 5 & 10 years time. Visualise as if everything has worked out the way you wanted to. You achieved goals, worked hard, etc.
• Write down what you imagine
• Use an optimism journal

2. Goals Diary

• Refer back to your best possible selves diary
• Choose a visualisation you have from the diary
• In your next diary entry write the steps you take to achieve your goal

3. Identify Barrier Thought

• Identify your automatic/negative barrier thoughts. For example: My friend is ignoring me, she isn’t returning my call, what have I done to upset her?
• Write down your barrier thoughts and think about ways to reinterpret the situation. For example: I know she is busy, I am sure she will ring me when she can.
• Consider these questions:

What else could this situation or experience mean?
Can anything good come from it?
Does it present any opportunities for me?
What lessons can I learn and apply to the future?
Did I develop any strength as a result?

Practicing Acts of Kindness

1. Timing

• If you do to little you won’t gain the full happiness benefit & do to much you can get weighed down and don’t reap the rewards of acts of kindness
• Lyubomirsky suggests you pick a day of the week (no other day) and do one large act of kindness or 3-5 smaller ones.
• Try to make them special and vary different each time to maintain the real happiness benefits
• Lyubomirsky researched this method and it was found to be the most beneficial way to perform acts of kindness

2. Variety 

• Lyubomirsky also found mixing up your acts of kindness is an effective way to gain maximum happiness from acts of kindness
• For example; offer to do something for someone (mow a lawn), surprise someone (with a gift), do a kind deed in which you tell no one and you don’t expect anything in return

3. Chain of Kindness

• Doing a act of kindness may lead to someone else to do something for someone else
• The receiver of your kindness may feel excitement, surprised or thankful. They may be motivated to return the kindness to others.

Nurturing Social Relationships

1. Make Time

• Lyubomirsky’s research shows that couples / friends who make time to talk to their partner / friend have successful relationships.
• Commit to extra time during the week where you simply talk
• Spend 5 minutes everyday expressing your appreciating / gratitude to your loved ones for their specific actions
• In the morning discuss your day ahead and in the evening reflect on your morning discussion
• Create rituals. For example; cooking together on a Tuesday night,  dinner night Thursday, etc
• Media free zone. Create time for each other where there is no media and conversation only

2. Express Admiration, Appreciation and Affection

• Barbara Fredrickson’s (2011) research on positivity found relationships that flourish have a positivity ratio of 5:1. For one negative there is five positives.
• Raise your positivity ratio by sending a positive email, a surprise kiss for your partner, a act of kindness, etc
• Converse your gratitude directly by praising someone for something they did
• Write a list of qualities that attracts you to your partner
• Write about a great time in your relationship
• Together write goals, ambitions, values, beliefs that you both share

3. Capitalise on Good Fortune

• Share in the good fortune of your partner’s successes. Be thrilled for them, celebrate with them
• Next time be sure to react enthusiastically to your partners / friends good news no matter how small
• If partner is thrilled to tell you something ask lots of questions and be excited

4. Manage Conflict

• During a conflict try making light of the moment, by screwing face in fun manner or, saying something like “I see your point of view”

5. Making Friends

• Make time for friends by also creating rituals on a regular basis. Can be spaced out
• Don’t dominate the friendship by choosing all activities. Share the decisions
• Be a person who your friend can confide in
• Be a good listener
• Be loyal and supportive and congratulate their success
• Embracing your friend with a hug or a firm handshake can make you feel closer

If you know someone who would benefit from the book notes click to share.

You can embed a deep culture of gratitude into your school here.

You can also embed a deep culture of gratitude into your family home here 
Growing With Gratitude Blog
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